Thread:RequiemBlanchett/@comment-153.107.192.207-20181114003829

Hey guys. Again, I'm really really sorry about last night. I know this keeps happening, but I'll try my best to control it.

Stelios, when you called me an attention seeker, it sorta opened up my eyes. First, I got mixed messages from my brain.

One part of me said "He likes Pia more because you're an attention seeker." Another said "That's true, but if you say that, he'll hate you even more." Another said "Don't act sad ever again. ALWAYS have a smile on your face. If you are sad, DON'T TELL THEM. They don't like you when you're sad." But the rational side said "They don't understand your pain, but try to make them understand. Calm down a bit."

I didn't listen to any of those parts.

I just apologized because I couldn't handle the argument in my brain.

I'm so sorry for being so selfish. I just realized how mean it is to think that just because someone else is good, it means you're bad. As I said yesterday, my brain is tricking me. My brain tells me that when you compliment someone else in the group, it means that they like that person more. I grew up with few close friends. I had one for a few years, then about 2 more. We didn't have to worry about impressing each other, because we all bonded over the fact that we were all... different. My friends and I didn't get the best grades. We didn't like sport. We just played video games all day. So I'm not used to being the inferior one.

Now I promise not to say I'm the worst. And if I do, don't say you're tired of it. Just correct me. I get that you're tired of dealing with this. So I'll try my best to make it up to you. I still don't 100% understand how you can be mad at me, though. If you're tired of me, then wouldn't you be happy if I beat myself up? Never mind, I shouldn't have written that. But I'm not going to delete it because I'm still confused.

How about we all treat each other the same way? I feel upset when Pia's art is worshipped by Stelios but I get a simple "ooh!". What about this; all of our art is good! None of us are mediocre! We're all talented people, and we ALL DESERVE LOVE!!! 